TO PRACTICE
OR
TO PARENT ?
by Lindita Hobdari, M.D.
The challenges of balancing work and home
affect women’s career choices,
healthcare considerations, and most important of all, decisions about whether
or not to have any children. For those of us who have chosen medical careers,
the family considerations can prove to be particularly difficult. Men and women
alike have a tough time balancing careers and personal lives, but this is
especially true for female physicians who are embarking on competitive and
demanding careers at the very same time they are trying to take charge of
their personal lives.
There is an increasing need in Southwest Florida for primary care physicians,
especially female physicians for patients who prefer female physicians.
Women comprise an ever-increasing proportion of the physician workforce.
Female physicians are more likely than men to work in certain areas such
as primary care. Women today represent 25% of U.S. physicians and are
expected to comprise 30% of practicing doctors by the year 2010. In today’s world we receive
so many mixed messages of what women should be . . . We’re supposed to be independent,
hold fulfilling jobs, and be perfect mothers. Can we really have it all?
Balance is the Key
Speaking from personal experience, I am happy to say that the answer is a definite
“Yes.” As a physician and a mother of one, I know that it can be done successfully.
We face many challenges as Dr. Mom and spouse, and the secret to meeting these
challenges is balance.
I’m a thirty-six-year-old full-time family practice physician at Premier Medical.
I have been married for ten years, have a five year-old daughter, and I’m expecting
another one in December. Nurses smile at me when they see me cruise from one patient’s
room to another without complaining of being tired.
The right balance is a very personal thing, and it will be different for each person at
different times in his or her life. One of the biggest decisions, though, the decision
to become a stay-at-home parent, is more often than not made by a woman, not a man. The
often anxiety-inducing decision for one spouse to completely give up a chosen career in favor
of raising children can be cause for resentment, thus creating a strain on the marriage.
But this serious pitfall can be avoided with good planning and a solemn commitment by
both parents.
In my own life, I have set clear goals and priorities, both career-wise and personal,
so I have a road map to guide my day-to-day decisions. Have you noticed how important
routine is for babies to thrive? I try to follow the same routine every day.
Having the support of others at work and at home makes those goals easier to achieve.
I think that Moms who work are better role models because they show their children that
all people, men and women, can have lives that include work, love, individuality, and family.
Working doesn’t mean you can’t be involved in your children’s lives.
My husband is very involved in parenting. It was difficult at first, especially with his schedule.
But now our daughter is comfortable with either one of us reading bedtime stories, going
for a walk or attending her school performances. This has allowed both of us to remain equal,
friends, and close. And never underestimate the value of involving the grandparents!
We are also fortunate in this respect. The grandparents enrich the lives of our children as well
as their own. They help us manage our lives better too.
All summer, we were able to “family together” by ending our day early and going to the beach.
This way, we restored some peace and tranquility to our hectic lives, and we enjoyed those
special after-work hours as a family. “Mom & Dad” time with our daughter is very important,
but mom and dad also need time of their own–some “husband & wife” time! My husband and I
make sure to set aside some “date time” for ourselves. When we go out it allows time to
connect and be affectionate.
Pregnancy
Women in the United States are free to work right up until their due date,
and I have managed to ease the tedium that nine months of pregnancy
can bring by taking full advantage of this right! I remembered to eat
a well balanced diet which includes five servings of fruits and vegetables.
I make sure not to exceed the ideal 33-pound weight gain limit during the pregnancy.
I also remember to wear my back support belt during the last months of the pregnancy.
I manage expectations up front. In this way, I avoid situations where family members
or colleagues may think that I have violated a commitment or understanding.
Most studies conclude that women who are full-time practicing physicians do not
experience an increased risk of adverse pregnancy complications. Yet, this doesn’t
prevent women from worrying about whether or not it is safe to work throughout the pregnancy.
Generally speaking, your health care provider will determine if it is safe for you
to work based on three factors–your health, your baby’s health, and the type of work that you do.
Maternity Leave
Only a few female physicians take more than six weeks off after the birth
of a child, yet data suggests that longer leaves optimize the mother-infant bond.
Many Dr. Mom’s refuse to take more time off, fearing they may be hurting their practices.
Here is what I have planned for my upcoming maternity leave:
My husband is a businessman who recently opened a small jewelry store;
he doesn’t think he is ready to take any time off so soon after opening.
I plan to work until I have the baby and then have someone cover my practice
for a few weeks until January. My mother will come for a few months to care
for the baby so that I can go to work in January and resume a full schedule.
Many acquaintances are surprised, asking, “You’re not even taking a six-week leave?”
Frankly, I worry about how it would look to take a longer leave soon
after establishing my new practice. Yes, I’ve asked myself,
“What will my colleagues and patients think?”
Thanks to careful planning–and a supportive family–I feel that
at this point I can do it all without taking 6 weeks of leave.
When I Feel Burned Out
Sometimes after working longer hours but feeling less productive,
it may be time for a break. Half-a-day is good, but a full day is better!
This might be time spent with family and friends, or it may simply be a
"mental-health" day to sleep late, listen to music, read a good
book and rejuvenate.
Although occasionally I may feel burn-out symptoms from juggling the
demanding challenges of my life’s roles as doctor, mom and wife,
I cannot imagine my life without my children and my career. I feel
satisfied that I am able to maintain a comfortable balance between work and home.
I know this is the goal of many other female physicians as well. I am living
proof that setting clear goals and priorities can indeed lead to a fulfilling
life that balances career and family.
Dr. Lindita Hobdari is a practicing physician with Premier Medical located in Naples, Florida.